My Experience With Creative Burnout
Summer 2022. What a confusing time. Throughout the three years before, I had racked up 10,000 Instagram followers on my art page and was glued to my analytics page, always searching for ways to raise that number to 20,000 and beyond. 10,000 followers may not have been a lot in the grand scheme of things, knowing that many of the artists that I had befriended on the app have hundreds of thousands, but knowing that 10,000 people were viewing my art felt exhilarating. My page really had picked up at some point in 2019, when I posted an ocean painting inspired by the photographer Ryan Pernofski, to which he shared and it spread like wildfire. People wanted more. Strangers were telling me so. There was insane pressure to keep a theme going, to stick with one ocean subject and color palette.
This caused many problems. I began to resent the subject. I hated looking at the ocean each day. I even hated the thought of it. I hated that I began to hate it. Though I learned a lot about it, how to create foam and transparency in water, how different brushes helped capture light, I truly didn’t care. It was miserable painting for the sake of painting, especially because I wasn’t doing so for an income. There was no important reason. I was simply trying to keep up my follower count and engagement for validation.
I felt gross. I felt inauthentic. I hated my time “creating”. One day that summer I snapped and carelessly threw all of my supplies in various drawers. My easel and desk, about 8 feet from my bed, were now neglected. I did not touch my paint supplies, even a small brush, for a year and a half. My mother kept offering to help me take down my easel, but maybe part of me thought that there was a point to leaving it up. Or maybe it was laziness. It was probably stubbornness. So there my supplies laid.
For the first time in my (then) 24 years of life, I stopped creating art.
There are many additional reasons that I can get into, poor mental health, electroconvulsive therapy, and many other factors that would later contribute to my decision to not create art, but it all began with and stemmed from burn-out and pressure to stay consistent with style and art subjects. That’s where the initial feeling of exhaustion and annoyance with even sitting at my easel began.
I am not quite sure what caused me to want to paint again, starting near the end of 2023 but especially during the year of 2024, when I really focused on mindless acrylic pieces. Halfway through 2024, I rolled my sleeves up and relearned how to utilize oils, with the clear thought in my head, I am only painting what I want to paint, and only when I want to paint. I have never liked commissions, but especially during that time. I was determined to keep painting as positive and as personal of an experience as possible.
I learned a lot during that really strange period of avoiding and then relearning art. One, I learned that even though creation was an innate part of myself, it is very affected by negativity around and within me. Two, I learned that I personally thrive (and frankly function) artistically best when the subject is my own decision and the work is for no one else. And lastly, I learned to show myself grace. I learned to treat myself gently and to take breaks as needed, find what my needs are and how to fulfill them.
I am lucky that I am not currently relying on creating new artwork to be sold to others. My lifestyle is different than the experience of others, and I am blessed with being an adult dependent with financial stability. Because of this, I can paint what I want, sell the finished work or prints if I choose, and keep it an emotionally safe experience without frustration or hatred. If I don’t want to paint, great! If I do, I gently allow myself. I am truly grateful that at this point in my life, I don’t have to force art for any particular reason. At this point in time, I don’t do commissions for anyone but my mother, which is funny. But it has kept art a positive experience for me, and I’m grateful.
One thing to note is that I enjoy gifting art to others. This is because it creates the same exciting feelings of someone receiving and perhaps displaying a piece of my work, but there’s usually no deadline and I can create the piece however I’d like. I love sharing, gifting, and surprising others with my art and prints, and that new mindset of “gifting” vs having expectations has helped me immensely.
There is now a strong sense of ownership over my art and my creations and a sense of control, but especially with my time and effort, and that is special.